just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
