I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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