i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
