so let's talk penis.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
