No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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