'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
