I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
