she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
