I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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