good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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