dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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