life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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