If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I wear drunk well.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
