He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
