That's intense
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
