Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
