I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
