Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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