your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
