All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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