walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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