This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
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if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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