she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
