so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
