just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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