ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize