i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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