Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Michael Bay diarrhea
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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