I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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