and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My breasts were aching with rage.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
