Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
