I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
