So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize