the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
