Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He felt like a one man threesome
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
