I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
