I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
