I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
