is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
