His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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