this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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