But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
