sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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