just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
