Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
