i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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