in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I am naked and annoyed.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
