Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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