i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
