Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
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This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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