After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize