Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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