Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
