Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
someone threw a dead crab at me
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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