names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
