Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
