Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
