Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
