we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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