hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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